Barry Bonds has Herpies
So as was sitting watching TV and lamenting about all the recockulous commercials for E.D. or to the layman, Erectile Dysfunction. These commercials really drive me crazy, but thats a story for another day. Today i am hear to tell you all about Barry Bonds and why he can claim that he never willingly took performance enhancing drugs. Its quite simply really.
BARRY BONDS HAS HERPES.
Thats right. I said it. Bonds has Herpes. Think about it. According to the commercials about Herpes, which you see almost as often as the Erectile Dysfunction commercials, they can be treated with steroids. So this explains a couple things which i will cover in the following numbered list: (i like lists, so sue me)
1) This explains why Bonds head has appeared to get bigger since he turned 35. Now i know what you are thinking, head got bigger? Yes. And i am positive its water on the brain. Clearly he hasnt gotten any smarter and his temper has only gotten worse. Which are both symptoms of water on the brain.
2) Taking steroids to cure the Herp would also allow Bonds to bulk up while he was taking the meds during a flare up of the disease. In large part due to the fact that he is an athlete and i am sure has a decent work out routine that he completes.
3) This allows Bonds to stay he never willing took performance enhancing drugs. Although i would think in this instance they were meant to keep up other performances so his wife doesnt know about the Herp.
4) Bonds has been overly uppity about reporters asking questions about and around his family. This is in large part due to the fact that his wife and children clearly dont know that Barry has the Herpes. And by playing the angry black man card, he defers the reporters to bother him instead of his family, there for keeping his secret.
In closing i am just going to say that its a horrible way to find out that someone has Herpes, although i am looking forward to his federal purgury trail. Only good things can come of this, and by that i mean, he either admits to the Herpes or he goes to jail. Both are suitable conclusions to the clusterfuck that has been the last 3 years surrounding Bonds. Dont worry Piazza, you were just the catcher. (I bet he has the herp too)
Juice is dumb, throw rocks at him.
BARRY BONDS HAS HERPES.
Thats right. I said it. Bonds has Herpes. Think about it. According to the commercials about Herpes, which you see almost as often as the Erectile Dysfunction commercials, they can be treated with steroids. So this explains a couple things which i will cover in the following numbered list: (i like lists, so sue me)
1) This explains why Bonds head has appeared to get bigger since he turned 35. Now i know what you are thinking, head got bigger? Yes. And i am positive its water on the brain. Clearly he hasnt gotten any smarter and his temper has only gotten worse. Which are both symptoms of water on the brain.
2) Taking steroids to cure the Herp would also allow Bonds to bulk up while he was taking the meds during a flare up of the disease. In large part due to the fact that he is an athlete and i am sure has a decent work out routine that he completes.
3) This allows Bonds to stay he never willing took performance enhancing drugs. Although i would think in this instance they were meant to keep up other performances so his wife doesnt know about the Herp.
4) Bonds has been overly uppity about reporters asking questions about and around his family. This is in large part due to the fact that his wife and children clearly dont know that Barry has the Herpes. And by playing the angry black man card, he defers the reporters to bother him instead of his family, there for keeping his secret.
In closing i am just going to say that its a horrible way to find out that someone has Herpes, although i am looking forward to his federal purgury trail. Only good things can come of this, and by that i mean, he either admits to the Herpes or he goes to jail. Both are suitable conclusions to the clusterfuck that has been the last 3 years surrounding Bonds. Dont worry Piazza, you were just the catcher. (I bet he has the herp too)
Juice is dumb, throw rocks at him.
posted by Nye 1.0! at 10:52 PM
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