Barry Bonds has Herpies

So as was sitting watching TV and lamenting about all the recockulous commercials for E.D. or to the layman, Erectile Dysfunction. These commercials really drive me crazy, but thats a story for another day. Today i am hear to tell you all about Barry Bonds and why he can claim that he never willingly took performance enhancing drugs. Its quite simply really.

BARRY BONDS HAS HERPES.

Thats right. I said it. Bonds has Herpes. Think about it. According to the commercials about Herpes, which you see almost as often as the Erectile Dysfunction commercials, they can be treated with steroids. So this explains a couple things which i will cover in the following numbered list: (i like lists, so sue me)

1) This explains why Bonds head has appeared to get bigger since he turned 35. Now i know what you are thinking, head got bigger? Yes. And i am positive its water on the brain. Clearly he hasnt gotten any smarter and his temper has only gotten worse. Which are both symptoms of water on the brain.

2) Taking steroids to cure the Herp would also allow Bonds to bulk up while he was taking the meds during a flare up of the disease. In large part due to the fact that he is an athlete and i am sure has a decent work out routine that he completes.

3) This allows Bonds to stay he never willing took performance enhancing drugs. Although i would think in this instance they were meant to keep up other performances so his wife doesnt know about the Herp.

4) Bonds has been overly uppity about reporters asking questions about and around his family. This is in large part due to the fact that his wife and children clearly dont know that Barry has the Herpes. And by playing the angry black man card, he defers the reporters to bother him instead of his family, there for keeping his secret.

In closing i am just going to say that its a horrible way to find out that someone has Herpes, although i am looking forward to his federal purgury trail. Only good things can come of this, and by that i mean, he either admits to the Herpes or he goes to jail. Both are suitable conclusions to the clusterfuck that has been the last 3 years surrounding Bonds. Dont worry Piazza, you were just the catcher. (I bet he has the herp too)



Juice is dumb, throw rocks at him.

Limericks

Everyone loves a good Limerick or 5. So here are a couple of my favors and some others that i found amusing. Feel free to leave one that i dont have on the list for me to read.

Once there was a man from Vinair,
Doing his wife on the stair.
The banister broke,
He doubled his stroke,
And finished her off in mid-air.



Once there was a man from Nantucket,
Who's dick was so long he could suck it.
He said with a grin,
As he wiped his chin,
If my ear was a cunt i would fuck it.



There once was a man called Cropper,
Who had a fucking whopper,
Once 'round the deck,
Twice 'round his neck,
And up his ass for a stopper!



This Finnish miss, from Helsinki,
Held a hot affair with her pinky
If Sis swilled enough rum,
She would seduce her thumb
Then, sis and her digits got kinky.



Hickory Dickory Dock,
Your girl was on my cock,
I took her to my house,
And turned her out,
And now the bitch sells my rock.








I still hate Juice

Social Commentary

There is a couple things that i just couldnt resist commenting on when i saw them. So lets get started shall we? First on my mind is the fact that Moussaoui curses as jury backs death. Now think about this for a minute. This is the guy that planned to hijack a 5th plane on 9-11 and fly it into the White House. For sometime now the prosecution has been having some trouble with the trial, but the jury just returned the ok for the death sentence. At this point Moussaoui cursed. Now seriously, you planned to hijack the 5th plane, you admitted it to the FBI, and you get up set when you are allowed to be put to death. In the article that is posted with the picture in the previous link are some of the finer points of the Moussaoui defense lawyers, IE himself. Here is one of my favorites...

Moussaoui on jury trials: "The fundamental U.S. right to an impartial jury ‘guaranteed by the Sixth Amendment also necessarily includes a jury composed of the defenders peers.' Brown v. Kelly, 1992. I am sure that the government will be delighted to bring 12 Talebans from Cuba."

If thats not enough reason to execute the guy right there then i really dont know what else to say. Although i think they should have held the trial in Texas so that he would have been executed by now, there by leaving us free to second guess the trial all we wanted. I also think in something of this magnitude the accused, if found guilty should not be able to appeal without some kind of evidence of the so called FBI coverup.

My second intriguing article of the day comes to us from the New Yorks Times and it is entitled With Yoga, Comedy and Parties, Synagogues Entice Newcomers . Now you cant tell me when you first see this headline you wouldnt stop and at least consider the material that could potentially be in this article. Now I admit this isnt nearly as exciting as reading some of the stupid things that Moussaoui as said, but it is still amusing none the less. I mean just think of it, instead of the kegger at Jimmy Johnsons you can go to the "Torah cocktail party" at Shir Goldsteins. Sounds like a killer good time to me. MOTZAH BALLS FOR EVERYONE!

Well thats all i got for today.


PS I hate Juice

I LOOK LIKE A TOMATO

The last 3 days have been quite eventfull actually. Shall we recap? Oh Yes, we shall. Starting on Wednesday night i went out some friends to Famous Wings, which is the local watering hole near mi casa. We had a good night and i got a date out it on Thursday, which was cool.

Thursday was spent with Kara. We went to the final spring training game of spring training for the Padres and Mariners. Padres rolled the mariners 8-2. So we got grass seats and sat in the left field section, which consequently faced the sun. OH GOD DAMN DID WE GET SUNBURNED. After the game we went to the Dillsworths, IE people i have never met before and will most likely never met again. However they were her best friends parents and i was driving so i had to go. I had to be on my best behavior since it was like visiting with the commanding member of the Christian Reich. Kinda scary, although once it was discovered that Mr Dillsworth is from Toledo, i am pretty sure i could have dropped an F Bomb and not be crucifed. However the evening ended on a funny note with Mr. D reminding the girls that men only think about one thing, which brought me the stink eye from Mrs. D. So my only response was, "Well i dont know about you MR. D but you dont look like this without food being your first and only thing on your mind" PHEW! Crucifiction averted. After the Dillsworths, we got roped into the Art Museum with Becca and Jo. That was a little akward, esspecially with Jo barking out order like a drill Sergeant. Followed by some spaghetti, a dabbing of Aloe for the sunburn and the day ended well.

Friday night was pool at Clicks, and a rather embarassing post on You Can't Get Arrested for Being Awesomes latest post. Its really only the last sentence that shows my state of pure inebriation. However the whole night at the bar, the ladies, IE Jo and Becca were playing the 5th grade do you like her game. That got a little old. However the free beer was a nice touch for me not to have to pick up the bar tab this week.

And as for today, i spent 8 hours on my feet at work, so i am going to sit and watch LSU lose to UCLA and then i am going to hang out with Bridget. So peace love and 40s to yall.















Juice still sucks