Spring is Offically here

Nothing signifies that spring is here like the opening of baseball season. While i have done the failed experiment that is called fantasy baseball i still enjoy the game. Season officially opens Sunday night with the Cards/Mets game and i can actually say that i am looking forward to being a better fan this year. I have got the Indians homepage on my set of favorites now, and am debating an MLB.TV subscription so i can watch the beloved Tribe. So here is to Spring, the Tribe winning the Central Division, and oh yeah, fuck the red sox and the yankees (In that order)

Nye


PS I saw Giambi on ESPN today while the Yanks were playing the Tiggers, and he was asked about how hard it was to transition to a DH only roll. I think the juice went to his brain because he said it wasnt easy blah blah blah, but i mean seriously folks. How hard it is to go from playing a mediocre first base to getting paid millions to just walk to the plate and swing a damn bat. What a Douche.

I got nothing

I dont really have anything good to say, i just felt that i should contribute something along the lines of what we would call a "post" in this biz. Seeing as i just took a 4 day trip to Kali-forni-A (say it like Arnold, you know its funnier that way) and i am going to run down the Pros and Cons of the trip.

PROS:

1) New Best Friend Leigh. This clearly was the best point of the trip.

2) Little Spoon and the possibility of OTL

3-4) These two are tied just because one made me laugh so hard i was crying, and the other made me throughly uncomfortable and embarassed, which is hard to do. Maria making fun of the valleys girls, and Tiff telling me all about poop and red chair sex.

4) The Can

5) The Tee

6) Birthday Tri fecta; Martina, Jamie, Claire

7) The re-emergance of Peter and Petey. (Thanks Jamie)

8) Spontaneous Pictures to close out the Tee

9) 5:45am with Leigh

10) 6am scolding Leigh and making her go to bed.

11) Pit, i kicked ass at it

12) The never ending Uno game.


CONS:

I got nothing

St. Patrick's Day - A fun a holiday or a facsist dress code enforcement on my everyday drinking

St. Patrick's day- we all love it right? But when you're always doing things like planning ahead on which bar you're walking home from or who you can get to drive you, there isn't much difference except for an exceptional amount of people wearing green and using fake Irish accents. Don't get me wrong. I love the Irish, they're drinkers. They've got a great gig going with leprauchans and blarney stones and even incoherent women singing at the touching end of many a great movie. But when I'm trying to get on with my blotto like a regular saturday, I don't want people wishing me a happy holiday. It's hardly a holiday and it's not happy when I don't get free stuff. Even on Easter, I get eggs. Yes, I'll admit that it's nice to through a party for no reason, but if I can't get a seat in my local watering hole because of a bunch of chum faces decide to go to a bar because it's got Murphy's in its name, I get upset - I get Irish upset! Maybe even fighting Irish upset. However, I do enjoy the green beer. It's nice to drink something that at least looks different but has that manly taste of beer (sorry beer drinking ladies, my heart goes out). Maybe they should keep that going and randomly color beer every few weeks or so.
Also, I've started smoking again. It's made me less stressed but now I've got to avoid my doctor so my health insurance won't find out and raise their premiums. You know what that means? I've got to go to a black market doctor. Ever seen that part in Minority Report where Tom Cruise gets his eyes switched out, that's not very different than that except there's less technology and more rotting food in the fridge. Just kidding. I don't know any black market doctors, but if you know a guy who does back surgery out of his garage, I'd be inclined to ask for more information. What else is new? Oh yeah. I've decided that if you roll your own cigarrettes, you're either really tight with your budget or you're a crack addict with no money who stops on my lawn at three in the morning and starts plucking Steve Miller as my dog goes fucking apeshit. Seriously.... Oh, it's great to be a part of the blog. I don't usually complain so much but it's starting to get hot out here in AZ and it makes a great excuse.

Blarney Blog

So in an homage to my brother Jeff keeping a running blog of NFL draft day a few years ago, I have decided to keep a running blog of my drinking on Saint Patricks Day. Since we all know St. Patrick is the patron said of drinking, I plan to do him proud on this day of days.

8:25am (on a Saturday) I had to open the store today for my roomie and his g/f since they don’t have the key to the shop.

8:55am: McDs, the breakfast of champions

9:02am: Get home, realize basketball doesn’t start for another hour. Open first beer.

9:22am: Second beer

9:54am: Watch then end of the movie Money Train. Come to the realization that Woody Haralson only good movie roll was in Natural Born Killers.

10:07am: Beer 3 for the tip off of the Ohio State game.

10:16am: Get confirmation of the completion of project D-14. That deserves another swig of beer.

10:21am: Reading ESPN.com and find out Kobe dropped 61 last night. God I hate that rapist. Drinks more beer.

10:42am: Beer 4. OSU finally playing better. Friends on the way, this could get hairy.

11:02am: Kane and Kage arrive

11:47am: Worried that ohio state might lose. Beer 5

12:17am: Lewis is my new Hero. OSU dominating in OT baby!

12:19am: New beer (6) for the start of OT

12:31pm: OSU wins! OT Domination! This calls for a beer (7)

12:33pm: Time to play some Madden with Kane.

1:24pm: Beer 8

1:27pm: Project D-14 complete! Chug rest of beer. Open beer 9

2:29pm: Kane and I split the 2 Madden games, and had just enough time to watch Maryland suck a fat one. Opening # 10

4:06pm: I am saying fuck it to counting. I have had 2 more (somewhere around 12ish for the day) and I am clearly not going to remember this is open to keep going. So that being said. I am out.

HAVE A FUN SAINT PATTYS DAY ALL!

Newest Blogmate

I would like welcome our new........blogmate. For reference all of you who have seen the movie blazing saddles should read that line like the towns people when the new sheriff comes to town. Think about it, now reread the sentence. Good, we can move on.

Since chad and i are on again off again bloggers i decided that we needed a little more help from a friend. So as part of this dysfunctional blog we have added my roommate Dave, aka El Daveste. Dont ask, there really isnt a story to that name. I dont know what he will contribute but i am hoping some drunken typing is in his near future that will entertain us all.

So with that i am out to drink green beer for the next 48 hours or so. Wish me luck.

Shower Pee

So here is a question. I guess its tailored more to the male contingent that read this. (IE the brothers nye and sir chadley.) But i would be more then happy to hear for the ladies (IE maybe lisa and corbi). But i am rambling, so allow me to move on.

So say you are in the shower at the gym. Not the open kind like in the high school lockers rooms, but in individual stalls. Complete with the 3 inch deep gutter that runs around the base of the wall for drainage purposes. Now i know we all pee in the shower, and your a damn liar if you say otherwise, but my question is.

Is it ok to pee into the gutter in this instance?

No one likes to get out of the shower and then have to find a toilet. But would you be mad if a yellow stream came rolling along the gutter past your shower stall?

MC Hammer, Cultural Icon or Self Help Guru?

It was 1992 and the radio was telling me to look at those girls with the daisy dukes on. Not gently remarking on their existence, but, in an aggressive manner saying, "You there, gaze upon these women with their silly boots!".
Another artist wondered, "Who let the dogs out?". A very good question indeed! Even now, more than ten years later, the query is still unanswered.
I remember, "Ice, ice, baby, too cold." No shit.
"It's like a jungle sometimes it makes me wonder how I keep from going under." Actually this metaphor works better if jungle is replaced by the ocean or maybe a community pool. I'm not sure the poetry would survive the editing

But there was one man who truly spoke to me. Yes, I'm talking about MC Hammer, or as the Scottish call him, McHammer. Here was a more contemplative individual than the rest. A man whose lyrical poetry and verse enable one to see outside of the reality imposed by society and dream of greater things while discovering personal sublimeness and the depths of the soul.
Let me illustrate. In the middle of his greatest song, "Can't Touch This", MC Hammer, after delivering such bombshells as "My my my music hits me so hard..." and, ""It's "Hammer, go Hammer, MC Hammer, yo Hammer" And the rest can go and play"", the great man pauses and takes time for reflection. Right in the middle of the song! The brilliance of a man with the serenity to say, "Stop...Hammer Time!", truly speaks to us all. Just the simple halting of the beat, the reflective moment, perhaps thinking upon world humanitarian organizations, the lack of social equality in the world, or even how to give away all of your worldly possessions leaving you penniless and without your mansion.

We would all do well to integrate this moment of epiphany into our own lives. Perhaps in the middle of a boardroom meeting it would be liberating to stand up and say "Stop!". Then after several moments of contemplation shout, "It's (Your Name Here) time!", and begin a silly crab like dance in your Zubas...or fat silk pants, maybe gold in color. All who witnessed this divine transformation would be amazed by your adaptability and inner power and would probably be moved to pin a medal on you right there, or at least take you home to meet their family!

The lessons to be learned from the great Hammer, or as he is known in India, Siddhartha Hammer, the black, grinning Buddha with golden teeth, are manifold. Take, for example, his great contribution, "Too Legit to Quit!". Another great addition to the hymnal of the church of the Hammer (MC). This inspirational work forces us to come to grips with the necessities of hard work and perseverance.

I hope that all can benefit from the words of this saintly master, so I'ma peace out yo, and jet to the temple an bow down 'fo the Hammer!

And of course we can't touch that! How could we?