Myspace surveys are gay

Indeed, surveys are gay! I would do one if I could get some really rediculous questions. Perhapse, therefore, I shall create the Chad survey!

Survey One : Are Those Maggots in Your Shoes?

1: What is the strangest thing you heve ever found in your shoes?

That transvestite with the mole just to the left of her asshole...god, I hope that was a mole!

2: If someone was driving the wrong way down a one way street towards you what would you shout at them?

"Danger! Olestra can cause anal leakage!"

3: If you had one day on earth to devote to world peace what would you do first?

I would burn all my Nazi propiganda literture that I have been handing out. Yes, I would burn it in an orphanage while I waltzed with an invisible partner and pissed myself.

4: Do you like corduroy pants?

Only if they are skin tight around my genitiles.

5: When/if you get to heaven what is the most surprising thing God would have had to overlook for you to have ended up there?

Definitly the puppy killing... Or the retard molesting.... Maybe all the masturbating...In public...

6: What is most important in your ideal man/woman?

I like a woman with Prolapsus Uteri, the way the womb falls out of a beautifull woman is like oysters and oreos, inseperable.

7: Do you believe in God?

There is an old saying, "Give unto others while crying over skim milk. For thine is a sow's purse. Unto the wind never shall you pee uphill, nor shall you walk in the hidden valley ranch of doubt."

8: What's the most embaresing thing a stripper has ever said to you?

Sir, please put your clothes on and stop dancing, this is my set.

9: If you had to fuck an animal, which one would you pick?

Eric Burdon, because he was the lead singer.
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0: Have you ever had milk squirt out of your nose from laughing?

Yes, that ruined a perfectly good lap dance. But, that's what I get for paying for a lactating stripper!
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1: If you met Ghandi what would you say to him?

"You fucking asshole! Tell me the truth, what do you really think of western civilization... fucking prick!"

12: If you were in a cage match with Hulk Hogan how long would you last?

Depends how tight he is.

13: Have you ever been arrested?

no

14: Do you have more shoes than there are days in a month?

Depends what you mean by shoes. If you mean something I put my foot into, wiggle my toes around and sigh due to the comfort, then yes I do! If you mean shoes... then no I don't.

15: Do you prefer circumcized or uncircumcized?

hemmed

16: If you were riding a camel in the desert and it died just as night was coming on and it dropped to thirty degrees while you layed in the sand shaking and crying from the cold, would you cut open the camel and crawl inside for the warmth?

Shit, I've been inside a camel before without cutting it, why start now?

17: He-Man or Lion O?

No, Chad, stupid!

18: Have you ever been caught stealing from a bum?

No, but I have been caught stealing bum!

19: Boxers or Briefs?

I would take Tatiana Ali anyday over a summons.

20: And, finaly, if the lights were off and you were sitting all alone on a folding chair, drinking buttermilk, listening to Handel's Mesiah and slowly rocking back and forth while writing a survey, what would have had to go wrong in your life to bring you to this point?

Absolutely nothing!

See what I mean? Although surveys generally suck, this one is at least fun to read. Next survey you do and then post, thinking that the rest of us give a shit, at least take the time to interest the reader. Now I am going to vommit up all this buttermilk and, hopefully, cry myself to sleep.

Best Interest

Hey everybody! Don't you just hate it when in public you see someone who seems like they don't have a clue about raising a child? Doesn't it spark inside comments you would love to mention to the parents or parent? "Yeah", you say to yourself "I ought to give them my opinion. I'm sure they are dying to know what I think." So when you do decide to, there is gonna be one of two reactions. They will either hear what you desperately need to express and disregard it once youre out of sight or they will give you some advice in return.

Kinda like some token of their appreciation for you taking the time out of your day to help them rear their kid. Yeah kinda like the way we all have an opinion about how the President should be doing his job. Well not that opinionated but none the less. We all have ideals of what the world should be like or how it should work. But hey, guess what? We don't know half of what we think is in everyones best interest.

For example, this evening while out shopping with my baby, I was approached by someone who felt that same need to educate me in parenting 101. "You shouldn't have a newborn out in public places for a couple months. And you shouldn't leave a pacifier in their mouth for an extended period of time." And I had those two earlier reactions to respond with. I didn't hear what they had to say and ponder their comments. Yeah the other one. "When you bring this child into the world and are the one responsible for him, that's about when you can even suggest anything to me"

She didn't even have kids to be giving advice to begin with. And even if she did, I wouldn't be hearing it. She can use that when its her business and stay out of mine. Its really weird that people feel that they cant contain the urgency to let their opinions be heard when they have no clue that maybe they shouldn't be saying anything.

Nobody raises their kid the same way everybody else does. Similar to some degree. But not the same. So people should stop their judgements and giving other people suggestions on how they raise their kids. The parents do what works for them. And as long as the child doesn't suffer, it shouldn't be anyones business what the hell a parent does or doesn't do.

When my child grows up to be a serial killer, yeah that's exactly when I want everybody saying shit to me about how I raised my kid.

Fight Night

So tonight was fight night for the long awaited De La Hoya vs Mayweather bout. I was fortunate enough to have Bridget and Rob (also the newest blogmate, see previous post) order the fight and host a gathering. In addition to the fight i learned alot of entertaining and interesting things about the group. First lets cover the fight.

We learned that while Oscar throw a seemingly infinite amount of punches, he lands only about 25% of them, while Floyd on the other hand throws a finite amount of punches and lands damn near 50% of them. Dont worry Oscar fans, Floyd isnt strong enough to do any damage to the Golden Boys golden looks. I can honestly say this is the first title fight i have seen in boxing that neither contestant fails to draw blood from the opponent. Fight ends in a split decision 2-1 (should have been unanimous) for Mayweather.

Post fight while sitting on the porch a barrage of randomness was heaped upon us by Dave and Kane. There were several things i feel that were learned that i should share with you now. Well lets see, where to start. I learned that people named Maurice can acquire the nickname Scooter, and not just people named Scott. I learned that Ceola is indeed not an army brat, or a vampire for that matter. That there is no question that Maurice (Scooter) finds to awkward to answer, no matter how overboard Dave tries to get with the question. Scooters thing appears to be pregnant amputee midget porn, just incase you were wondering. Rob doesnt now what a Dirty Sanchez is. Adrien is possibly the most well behaved new born i have ever seen in my life.

There is more but thats good for now.

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